Hi ^__^
it's been a while..
Things were coming so fast and crushed one another. Lots of big decision were needed. So yes I come back !!
Today, I am gonna talk about Desire .
I am pretty sure you guys have known well what Desire is and most of Y O U have felt it.
Do you know what ? Lately, I want a Desire. But it's actually impossible because I'd had a commitment with someone to finish my study.
But Life without a Love is nothing. You will feel an emptiness.
At first I was okay, but things get changed. I am in a terrible bore. Someone with the commitment is too far and I know that the possible of him being here is about 10%.
This is very hard. I don't want to hurt anybody. But in the other hand, I hurt myself !!!
I don't know how much time it'll last. But I believe there will be AN END.
So, what am I supposed to do ? waiting for the end ? or Do you have any suggestions ?
Lately, there are some boys who try to enter my life. However, I push them. I don't get too close because I know I can hurt someone's heart. This is an unclear relationship which ties one side only.
Do you know how much it hurts ? Must I tell you how bad it feels ?
EXTREMELY TERRIBLE !!
I need a New Rose but I am tied with The Tree.
Thursday 27 November 2014
Friday 17 October 2014
A Mud Road
Friday, October 17, 2014
Otak kecil ku kembali mengingatkanku akan masa-masa mencekam satu tahun silam..
Aku mulai memvisualkan segalanya di benakku.. Langkahku goyah.. Aku terjatuh..
Lalu Ku tundukkan kepalaku seraya kutanya pada sang Maha Mendengar.
"Wahai Tuhanku, tolong sampaikan pada Si Ruang Merah, ada apa sebenarnya? Aku lelah terus mengingatnya dalam benakku. Aku tidak ingin membencinya terus menerus."
In the evening
Belum saja luka yang menganga itu meredup, datanglah lagi langkah kaki penuh arti dari Si Kecil. Mereka mengatakan bahwa wajahnya menyerupai Orang itu ! Tetapi abangku tidak meng-Iya-kan. Ia mengatakan, " iyasih dia itu.. eee.. eee.. "
"Bilang aja cantik lama banget". " Yaa itulah.. tapi dia ngga mirip kook. matanya sipit beda dengan dia, matanya belo".
Seketika hatiku meronta-ronta. Ia berteriak minta tolong. Ia minta dibelikan sebongkah es dari Kutub Utara untuk meredakan nya. Pada akhir conversation, aku berkata, "Jangan pernah sebut nama itu lagi saat berbicara denganku !".
Just Now
Ia menceritakan banyak hal tentang si Kecil yang diperlakukan s e p e s i a l oleh teman-teman nya. Seperti Bakso saja harus ada s e p e s i a l nya -___- "Hey c'mon dia hanya gadis biasa ! kau membuat ku jijik saja! " kataku dalam hati.
Sampai pada akhir sentence yang berbunyi, "kalau di kantin, biasanya temen-temen ku ngeliatin dia, tapi aku engga. Biar dia tau AKU BERBEDA".
Lalu dia lanjutkan dengan sedikit kata "eh aku di.." *TET*
Percakapan itu terputus. Aku sudah sangat lelah. Air mataku menetes tidak lama kemudian.
Kamu
Andai saja kau mengerti bahwa untuk mencapai kotaku kau harus menempuh puluhan Kilometer terlebih dahulu. Tidak ada kereta. Lalu, kau juga seharusnya mengerti bahwa awal ajaran itu menghabiskan banyak waktumu. Kau tidak akan pernah sempat menemuiku.
Atau jangan-jangan ini semua hanya rancangan mu untuk membuatku tenang???
Aku tidak tahu aku akan bertahan atau tidak. Kita akan menjalani bertahun-tahun dalam jarak yang cukup jauh dan waktu yang cukup menyita. Realita nya, Kau tidak ada di sini saat ku butuh.
Meskipun aku bisa menganggap mu ada.
Biarkan kapal ini berlayar mengelilingi samudera. Tuhan yang mengatur ke mana angin akan membawa ku pada pelabuhan yang sesungguhnya. Pelabuhan yang makmur dan sejahtera.(mf)
Otak kecil ku kembali mengingatkanku akan masa-masa mencekam satu tahun silam..
Aku mulai memvisualkan segalanya di benakku.. Langkahku goyah.. Aku terjatuh..
Lalu Ku tundukkan kepalaku seraya kutanya pada sang Maha Mendengar.
"Wahai Tuhanku, tolong sampaikan pada Si Ruang Merah, ada apa sebenarnya? Aku lelah terus mengingatnya dalam benakku. Aku tidak ingin membencinya terus menerus."
In the evening
Belum saja luka yang menganga itu meredup, datanglah lagi langkah kaki penuh arti dari Si Kecil. Mereka mengatakan bahwa wajahnya menyerupai Orang itu ! Tetapi abangku tidak meng-Iya-kan. Ia mengatakan, " iyasih dia itu.. eee.. eee.. "
"Bilang aja cantik lama banget". " Yaa itulah.. tapi dia ngga mirip kook. matanya sipit beda dengan dia, matanya belo".
Seketika hatiku meronta-ronta. Ia berteriak minta tolong. Ia minta dibelikan sebongkah es dari Kutub Utara untuk meredakan nya. Pada akhir conversation, aku berkata, "Jangan pernah sebut nama itu lagi saat berbicara denganku !".
Just Now
Ia menceritakan banyak hal tentang si Kecil yang diperlakukan s e p e s i a l oleh teman-teman nya. Seperti Bakso saja harus ada s e p e s i a l nya -___- "Hey c'mon dia hanya gadis biasa ! kau membuat ku jijik saja! " kataku dalam hati.
Sampai pada akhir sentence yang berbunyi, "kalau di kantin, biasanya temen-temen ku ngeliatin dia, tapi aku engga. Biar dia tau AKU BERBEDA".
Lalu dia lanjutkan dengan sedikit kata "eh aku di.." *TET*
Percakapan itu terputus. Aku sudah sangat lelah. Air mataku menetes tidak lama kemudian.
Kamu
Andai saja kau mengerti bahwa untuk mencapai kotaku kau harus menempuh puluhan Kilometer terlebih dahulu. Tidak ada kereta. Lalu, kau juga seharusnya mengerti bahwa awal ajaran itu menghabiskan banyak waktumu. Kau tidak akan pernah sempat menemuiku.
Atau jangan-jangan ini semua hanya rancangan mu untuk membuatku tenang???
Aku tidak tahu aku akan bertahan atau tidak. Kita akan menjalani bertahun-tahun dalam jarak yang cukup jauh dan waktu yang cukup menyita. Realita nya, Kau tidak ada di sini saat ku butuh.
Meskipun aku bisa menganggap mu ada.
Biarkan kapal ini berlayar mengelilingi samudera. Tuhan yang mengatur ke mana angin akan membawa ku pada pelabuhan yang sesungguhnya. Pelabuhan yang makmur dan sejahtera.(mf)
Wednesday 1 October 2014
Horrible Day
Today's just horrible. I know, my mom said, "Do not think about what people are doing. You will be stress. Just focus on your study." But will you do it when you have an annoying friend ? I guess most people won't.
Just call her Ti. Let me tell you this.
I was sitting in the class when she came. On my right side, there was EL (also my friend). So there was about 6 chairs in the first row. I sat on the 2nd. Ti said to me, it's better you move beside EL. This chair is for putting bags. In a sudden, I was shocked. it's like (what the hell are you saying? ). But I didn't show that words to her. I just said, " Go find another chair and put your bag there. I have already felt comfortable here". Then she started to talk with my friend, EL. After some minutes, she repeated her words again. But I kept on saying go find another chair ! (while looking on my phone).
Later on.. the lecturer came. it was a writing class. My lecturer asked us to make a-5-paragraph essay and it's a pair work. And you know what ? I worked with Ti. Suddenly she made a horrible face like trying to tell me implied, "Oh what the hell c'mon !".
Let me tell you, Ti is famous with her laziness in doing tasks. It was like she did it 2 hours before the task would be given. And you know what ? She was always borrowing her friends's laptop. Including me. Okay, next on..
We were trying to cooperate in doing the essay. Well, I did the thesis statement, general statement, body paragraph 1, and conclusion. She did the Body paragraph 2 and 3. She told me that she was the one who would write the essay on the paper. Well, I was okay with that. After we all finished in constructing the ideas, she started to write. Anddd, I saw that she was changing my sentences. I asked her, "what are you doing ?". She said, " your sentences don't make any sense !".
Oh my God it was like she was ruining everything. But Thanks God, The task wasn't for that day. And I asked her whether I could take it home and wrote the essay.
And yess she didn't care
Just call her Ti. Let me tell you this.
I was sitting in the class when she came. On my right side, there was EL (also my friend). So there was about 6 chairs in the first row. I sat on the 2nd. Ti said to me, it's better you move beside EL. This chair is for putting bags. In a sudden, I was shocked. it's like (what the hell are you saying? ). But I didn't show that words to her. I just said, " Go find another chair and put your bag there. I have already felt comfortable here". Then she started to talk with my friend, EL. After some minutes, she repeated her words again. But I kept on saying go find another chair ! (while looking on my phone).
Later on.. the lecturer came. it was a writing class. My lecturer asked us to make a-5-paragraph essay and it's a pair work. And you know what ? I worked with Ti. Suddenly she made a horrible face like trying to tell me implied, "Oh what the hell c'mon !".
Let me tell you, Ti is famous with her laziness in doing tasks. It was like she did it 2 hours before the task would be given. And you know what ? She was always borrowing her friends's laptop. Including me. Okay, next on..
We were trying to cooperate in doing the essay. Well, I did the thesis statement, general statement, body paragraph 1, and conclusion. She did the Body paragraph 2 and 3. She told me that she was the one who would write the essay on the paper. Well, I was okay with that. After we all finished in constructing the ideas, she started to write. Anddd, I saw that she was changing my sentences. I asked her, "what are you doing ?". She said, " your sentences don't make any sense !".
Oh my God it was like she was ruining everything. But Thanks God, The task wasn't for that day. And I asked her whether I could take it home and wrote the essay.
And yess she didn't care
Tuesday 30 September 2014
Should I ?
How do you feel when you saw something which once became your passion at the past ?
I know people will call me a greedy person or a "non thankful" person.
This story started when I was in confusing months in choosing what major I would take. My first love was International Relation. it was because I wished to become a Diplomat. But then it changed into Interior Design because it is just cool to see people can make their own houses as they wished to have. It's probably an effect of watching lots of unique houses on TV. Later on , my parents wished me to become a Doctor. You know what ? actually, I don't really match with it because probably I'm not a reading girl. But I think respecting parents's wish is important. So I tried and tried but still, I didn't get it. I used to love becoming a veterinary too. I love animals.. (cats more) , except PIG -__- I hate them. I used to apply for Food Technology and Nutrition. But yet, I can't get it.
Now, believe it or not ? I am an English Literature student.
Here I am..
I have loved English since I was in Elementary School. I won lots of prizes in English competitions too. My father once asked me whether I want to take English Literature or not.. but I said, " No, dad. it's sooo boring. learning English in my whole semester? Oh No".
and at last, Time makes me certain. I think this is my passion which I never realize.
As time passed by..
I am used to driving motorcycle through Faculty of Medicine. know what ? I'm kinda missing it. Actually in my deep deep heart, I know I want to be a doctor. I love biology sooo much. I love environment and all the things related to health ,plants, and trees.
So, what would you say ?
Should I keep on going on my English Literature because I have had the skill since I was in Elementary School ?
or..
Should I try it next year applying in Medical school / forestry ?
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Maulina
I know people will call me a greedy person or a "non thankful" person.
This story started when I was in confusing months in choosing what major I would take. My first love was International Relation. it was because I wished to become a Diplomat. But then it changed into Interior Design because it is just cool to see people can make their own houses as they wished to have. It's probably an effect of watching lots of unique houses on TV. Later on , my parents wished me to become a Doctor. You know what ? actually, I don't really match with it because probably I'm not a reading girl. But I think respecting parents's wish is important. So I tried and tried but still, I didn't get it. I used to love becoming a veterinary too. I love animals.. (cats more) , except PIG -__- I hate them. I used to apply for Food Technology and Nutrition. But yet, I can't get it.
Now, believe it or not ? I am an English Literature student.
Here I am..
I have loved English since I was in Elementary School. I won lots of prizes in English competitions too. My father once asked me whether I want to take English Literature or not.. but I said, " No, dad. it's sooo boring. learning English in my whole semester? Oh No".
and at last, Time makes me certain. I think this is my passion which I never realize.
As time passed by..
I am used to driving motorcycle through Faculty of Medicine. know what ? I'm kinda missing it. Actually in my deep deep heart, I know I want to be a doctor. I love biology sooo much. I love environment and all the things related to health ,plants, and trees.
So, what would you say ?
Should I keep on going on my English Literature because I have had the skill since I was in Elementary School ?
or..
Should I try it next year applying in Medical school / forestry ?
Wednesday, 1 October 2014
Maulina
Friday 12 September 2014
Enormous Rainbow
It was first days of August 2014..
Day by day passed..
I started to know that I wasn't alone. Things got changed. I saw you turned to be a different person. I was sharing my stories, about college, new friends, family, but you wasn't that PERSON again. You were different eventhough you still flirted me with bunches of words in the air. You also said that you loved me for thousand time. But I didn't see it in you. Remember when I was begging for help at EYD task ? You were absolutely a DIFFERENT ONE with you I found in the past year. Remember when you were trying to get me ? you seemed like a hero. You helped me with lots of stuffs. Even you asked me first whether I needed any help. Now you are not that kind of boy anymore.
Those moments..
I know in my deep deep heart I miss those moments when I met you, when I spent my time with you.. watching lots of films, buying snacks all over the town. I also miss when you said, "You are beautiful, dear" unintentionally. Probably I wasn't that though when you weren't beside me.
Being in a relationship is not a good thing..
I used to say that to you at the end of our stories. Because I know that I need to focus on my dreams and my college. But now honestly I feel lonely. I think I need someone. But I don't think it's gonna work well if we together again and I don't know if I could keep on focus on my study or not. Things get complicated
I don't exactly remember what date it was held. I decided to let you go and bring my independence back.You never knew that it was really hurt. I wish you could understand, but til now I can see nothing. The one thing I extremely afraid was when you were gone while I couldn't sleep in the middle of a night. You used to be there, accompanied me spending the night together. Making me comfortable enough to finally asleep. I was also afraid of seeing you with another girl. Fortunately, you are that far so I can't see it directly if it would be happening.
Day by day passed..
I started to know that I wasn't alone. Things got changed. I saw you turned to be a different person. I was sharing my stories, about college, new friends, family, but you wasn't that PERSON again. You were different eventhough you still flirted me with bunches of words in the air. You also said that you loved me for thousand time. But I didn't see it in you. Remember when I was begging for help at EYD task ? You were absolutely a DIFFERENT ONE with you I found in the past year. Remember when you were trying to get me ? you seemed like a hero. You helped me with lots of stuffs. Even you asked me first whether I needed any help. Now you are not that kind of boy anymore.
Those moments..
I know in my deep deep heart I miss those moments when I met you, when I spent my time with you.. watching lots of films, buying snacks all over the town. I also miss when you said, "You are beautiful, dear" unintentionally. Probably I wasn't that though when you weren't beside me.
Being in a relationship is not a good thing..
I used to say that to you at the end of our stories. Because I know that I need to focus on my dreams and my college. But now honestly I feel lonely. I think I need someone. But I don't think it's gonna work well if we together again and I don't know if I could keep on focus on my study or not. Things get complicated
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